Timbre #53: Exactly The Point

I did my own tests. You might have read about them on my blog—inherentawesomeness.blogspot.com. Traffic is high.

In these highly personal studies, I used two separate trials to see which of my set-ups I could ride faster.

MAX bombs OAK faster. Photo: Ben Colen

After each lap of the course, I’d high five myself. Based on the redness of my palm, I concluded that my cut-down board with the pointy nose and filmer wheels generated a much more enthusiastic hand slap than my regular board, and thus a much more red (redder?) palm. Not scientific enough, you say? Well you should also consider that I gauged my results against a color wheel that I bought on sale from the art supply store, and all observations were based on its near-perfect range of magenta.

Sam Hitz ollies the Turf’s time capsule. Photo: Pete DiAntoni

On another day, on the same course—right out of my driveway, straight across the street to the sidewalk, left around the corner, bomb the hill, touch the light pole, and straight back the way I came—I strategically placed pebbles and medium-sized twigs so as to aggravate other skaters. I’d then hide in the bushes and when one of them cruised by, I’d jump out and shout, “Enough about me … what do you think about me?” and watch as they collided with my well-laid obstacles. Then I’d shoot photos of them.

As they chased me down—many times bleeding and nursing bent wrists and/or collar bones—I’d click my stopwatch and measure how long it took them to catch me on my cruiser board that had grease-filled bearings as opposed to the to the board that had the bearings with the shields removed, cleaned in mineral spirits, and then obsessively coated with a perfectly nerdy layer of beeswax.

I’m sure these findings will bring a ton of naysayer commentary down on my head, and that’s exactly the point.

Again … the point is me.

No doubt about it.

Raven Tershy applies some pier pressure in Portland. Photo: Ben Colen

Forget wheel size, forget blogs, and forget your ceramic-coated, steep kingpin angle vs. the low-friction pivot mounted to maple harvested from the most pristine old-growth preserves, the optimum power output of eggs in China, and your films about filming filmers who really just want to be photographers photographing photos.

If we all just focused a bit more on me, this world would be a much better place to live.